


Read the Book.

by malfoible



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 09:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13679100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malfoible/pseuds/malfoible





	Read the Book.

The team were all seated round the table in the big office, waiting for Special Agent Aaron Hotchner.

Garcia trying to finish the page of the book she was reading, had to be nudged to put it away as brisk footsteps were heard approaching.  
“Here he comes, what are you reading? Put it away, he’ll be annoyed.”

Penny showed the book to J.J. and Jen nodded, “Oh yes it is so good. I could barely put it down myself.”   
Penny quickly closed the book but not before Hotch had entered the room. 

An odd expression crossed his face, only Reid noticed.  
Was he angry at Penny reading or was it the book itself?

The morning passed quickly with an introduction to a new case and arrangements for flying to the area later that evening. 

A late lunch break had Garcia and J.J. again talking about the book.  
Hotch had retreated to his private office, Morgan had gone out to buy new shaving gear and Rossi was having a quiet phone call to his agent.

“Oh this book is so good, I can’t stop reading it.”

“Yes, the way he talks about his feelings, his dead wife, everything, why can’t all guys be like that?”

“I love the part where he falls in love again, are you up to that part?”

“Yes he’s just started talking about it. How he never thought he would fall for a guy, it’s beautiful.”

Reid rolled his eyes and Jen smacked him on the arm. “It’s romantic, I’ll let you read my copy when I’ve finished. You’ll love it.”

Spencer shook his head. “When have you ever seen me read a romantic novel, or any kind of novel? No thank you.”

Jen stuck her tongue out at him. “Pooh, misery-guts, it’s not just a novel it’s full of feelings and…stuff…”

Spencer laughed. “Feelings and stuff…very deep.”

Jen smacked his arm again and Penelope stood up. “I think I’m going to finish lunch in my room, I’m up to a good part. I think they’re going to kiss. I need to be alone for that part.”

Jen smiled in agreement and Spencer watched as Garcia walked away.

Something was niggling at his mind. 

There was no time for the remainder of the day, to think about anything other than work.   
For the next few days every minute was taken up by solving the case.  
It wasn’t until they returned home to a quiet day off, that the memory of the book and Hotch’s odd reaction resurfaced. 

Spencer, restless, went searching for a copy of the book.  
The third book-store had a copy and he settled down with a glass of iced tea and picked it up.  
He turned to the back page looking for a bio of the author but found very little information.  
He began to read, twenty minutes later he was more than half way through, the tea forgotten.

He was amazed that J.J. and Garcia hadn’t realised what they were reading.  
The anguish of a man in pain after the death of his wife, a man who had been left to bring up his child, his son, alone…

Reid was uncomfortable, feeling as if he were trespassing inside the mind of his boss.  
Even the author’s name was obvious to him, the initials were the same, Alec Harrison.  
How did the girls not put two and two together?  
He wondered if he should carry on reading, but J.J.’s mention of the guy finding love again made him curious.  
By the final two chapters his heart was filled with hope.   
If the ending of the book was as honest as the first part perhaps he would finally get what he’d wished for for so many years.

He spent the next few days wondering how to broach the subject to his boss.

Fate lent a hand.

Thursday evening was Hotch’s turn to drive Spencer home.

As usual he invited Hotch in for a drink or some coffee, expecting a refusal he was delighted when Hotch nodded in agreement.

Reid took Hotch’s coat and pointed to the sitting room, he returned with two beers to find Hotch holding the book in his left hand, he held out a beer which Hotch accepted, then Spencer, with a feeling akin to jumping off a bridge, remarked; “You’re a very competent writer, did you have any help?” 

Hotch opened his mouth, denial on his, lips but then a soft look filled his eyes.  
Of course Spencer had worked it out.   
This was Spencer Reid, genius, wonderkid, and really, it wasn’t that difficult if you knew the history behind the story.  
He took a sip of beer and began to talk.

“It was never meant to be published, I didn’t even write for anyone else to read, well not at first.  
After Haley died, after she was killed, when I was left with Jack, I couldn’t cope.  
There were so many feelings, anger, rage, guilt, fear of failure, terror at the thought of not being able to protect Jack, after all I hadn’t protected his Mom.  
There were so many feelings, so many emotions I could not control.   
So much I couldn’t deal with….the Bureau sent me to a counselor.  
Twice a week I would meet with her, sit there and not say a word.  
I had no idea what to say. I am not a person who can open up about things.  
Never have I discussed what I feel about anything, to anyone, even Haley. I honestly didn’t ever let her see my innermost self. How could I talk to a stranger?”

He paused, took another sip of beer. Reid stayed silent. Hotch was finally being open, he would let him talk.

“After a month or so she suggested something I might find of use, something she had tried with other people.   
She told me to write it all down, every day, every feeling I had, good and bad, even the smallest things, did I enjoy my coffee, did I get angry at the news or driving the car.  
Did I feel a sense of achievement if Jack slept through the night?  
It felt silly at first, a total waste of time but after a couple of weeks I could feel a difference.  
Each evening after I put Jack to bed I would read over what I had noted down throughout the day.  
At first there were only a few sentences but they multiplied and the tone changed too.  
I was looking for good feelings to write about, and because I looked, there were things I found that made me smile, that made the pain diminish.   
Taking note of Jack’s feelings helped too, the day he ran from class with a star because he all his spellings correct was wonderful, he was smiling…happy…. “

Aaron paused, remembering.  
Spencer watched him, concern in his eyes.  
He hadn’t known how much Hotch had gone through, though he had suspected his boss wasn’t as calm and in control as he often seemed.

"After a couple of months I felt brave enough to show the counselor my notes. She took them home and got in touch after a week or so.  
She wanted to use them as an example of her theory of writing things down being helpful.  
I agreed but then she had a friend who wanted to publish it, and it morphed into a self - help book then more like a novel. I didn’t complain because it had helped me so much.   
Then they wanted an ending and as I had carried on still writing down my feelings each day, I gave them some notes which they turned into the last two chapters.”  
Aaron stopped talking, he looked at Spencer trying to read his expression.

Spencer reached to take Aaron’s hand. “You wrote….you realised you had feelings…for…someone, a man, someone you had known for years. Deep feelings…you wanted him….loved him…”

Aaron smiled, squeezing Spencer’s fingers. “ You Spencer, I have feelings for you, I had…have fallen in love with you….”

“At the end of the book, almost the last paragraph, you kiss…”

“That was the publisher, she thought it would make a good ending.”

“And you? What did you think?”

“I think a kiss would make a great beginning.”  
He leaned forwards brushing Spencer’s lips with his own but they had both waited far too long for this to be a gentle kiss.  
This was years of longing, wanting, needing, passion sizzled through them both.

The kiss was only the beginning…..


End file.
